50% of marriages end in divorce! At least that’s the number for poor and middle class people. But once you cross $250,000 per year in income the rate drops below 20%. Yes. Rich people stay married more! in this article we will learn15 Differences Between a High Value vs Low Value Couple.
Maybe because they have more to lose, but that’s not the whole story. It’s the same with education. The more educated you are, the less likely you are to divorce.
But the goal isn’t to simply get married and not divorce each other, the goal is to become a power couple that thrives together and that’s exactly what we will break down by the end of this Article. If you don’t feel like reading the article here’s the video version:
1
Difference in value
When it comes to high value couples: They’re valuable on their own but extremely valuable together.The couple is more valuable than the sum of the individuals, because high value couples have complementary skills.
One takes care of one challenge, the other takes care of another. If a situation presents itself they have the ability to get things done together – this allows them to accelerate progress, comfort, status, income and fulfilment in life.
High value couples understand who they are individually and as a couple!They have their own identities and these identities are valuable on their own, but in different aspects of life.
Low value couples are almost abusive in terms of the dependency they have one for the other.One of the members is parasitic in nature on the other, and we’re not talking about financial support alone.
In low value couples, one only demands while the other has to provide.
2
The relationship isn’t 50-50
This might sound controversial but: A relationship isn’t supposed to be 50-50! A relationship is supposed to be 100 – 100! One person gives 100% of their capability, and the other does the same.
They’re both aware of each other’s responsibilities in the relationship. Whatever you do, do it fully. It takes a level of maturity to understand how a relationship works. In it’s rawest form: Men don’t want to be loved, they want to be respected!
A man who is not respected in his own household doesn’t feel Loved. For women it’s different: Women often see love as them being the man’s top priority. Women will often judge a man’s love based on how much he’s willing to sacrifice for her.
For women, love is about effort, for men love is about results. Low value couples expect 100% from the other, but they don’t reciprocate it. They’re demanding without bringing anything of value to the couple outside of their body – and in most cases that’s not even such a great thing.
High value relationships aren’t ON and OFF all the time. They’re serious. As a piece of life advice: Don’t be in a relationship with someone you’re not gonna marry. Sure, you can have fun, you can date, be in your let’s see what’s out-there phase, but those are flings, those aren’t relationships.
When the time comes to become a couple, be focused on the long goal.
3
Don’t get bored & stay attracted to each other.
This is one of the biggest differences between high value couples and low value ones. You try your best, you get in shape, you present well, you date and you get together and become a couple.
What happens a year after marriage? You stop working out, you stop taking care of yourself. You become complacent. So you take your partner for granted, because you already “bagged them” right?
That’s a low value couple mentality. It’s almost like you scammed the other person into being with you and now that you found security you are finally showing your true colors. High value couples don’t “decrease” because of comfort.
High value couples are better off mutually after becoming a couple. They support each other to become better. They go out of each other’s way to make the other person stronger, because they’re your person.
You know you’re a low value couple when everyday feels the same. You do the same things. Your life feels like you’re on a treadmill. Days go by but you’re not going anywhere.
4
Communication and course-correction
“How do they know that you love them” if you don’t show it to them. If you don’t discuss it. If they don’t feel it through their senses? High value couples are great communicators. They discuss EVERYTHING.
Whenever a situation arises, they deconstruct it, figure out what happened, rationalize it, find its root cause so they make sure it will never arise again – or at least they know how to treat it next time. This thing right here is what makes or breaks most relationships.
If you don’t have the ability or patience to work through what’s causing the imbalance or pain in the relationship – you can’t fix it. By now you already know that low value couples score low in emotional intelligence. They’re unable to communicate what they feel, what the source is and how to be empathic with the partner.
You’re not going to be an optimum family right out of the gate, but as a couple you have to show the ability to adapt and adjust course. Learn from one another and be able to make changes according to what gets you where you want to be.
If years go by and you’re still dealing with the same issues, you’re a low value couple –as you failed to overcome these obstacles.
5
They’re actively investing in each other’s growth.
They grow together in 3 respective verticals He grows in his pursuits. She grows in her pursuits. They grow as a family. Or he and he… she and she… they and they… whatever the configuration, there’s measurable growth as individuals and as a family.
High value couples never stop learning. They find growth opportunities for each other. They open doors for each other. High value couples are playing the long game. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you might as well make sure they’re as valuable as they can become.
Most people don’t think about this, but: The partner you choose in life is probably the most important choice you will ever make… after the decision where you live, as that usually determines who you’re gonna marry.
But some of you already know that because you downloaded the Alux app. In it there’s a 7 day free experience where we go through the most valuable pieces of individual growth. You’ll make better choices immediately and so will your partner if you share it with them.
Choose your partner carefully as they will likely be there for the entire thing. You will go to bed at night with them. They will protect you when you need protection. So they will help raise your children and build a legacy. They will know your most intimate secrets. So they will take care of you when you’re at your lowest. All this applies to both men and women.
That’s why the vows say: for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. That’s why high-value couples get married. They’re committed to one another.
At the other end of the spectrum, low value couples are with the luggage ready and a foot out the door. Low value couples don’t like it if their partner starts improving. They will even go as far as trying to sabotage their progress.
If they can’t do it physically, a low value person will cut the wings out of their partner. They’ll say you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, who do you think you are trying to be more than you are… all of it out of fear that their partner will wake up and realize they can do better.
People do a lot of crazy things when they’re scared.
6
You work through hard sh*t together and in private
Life is hard. That’s a fact. There are going to be hard times ahead that you will need to deal with. You won’t like it, but a high value couple gets it done even when it’s hard – while a low value couple walks away.
As with everything in life there’s a choice to be made: Maintaining a happy marriage is hard. Getting a divorce is hard. Choose your hard! And the way you deal with it is nobody’s business. For example, the decision to get a divorce is different for men than for women and for low value vs high value couples.
Let’s do the gender part first. Women initiate 75% of divorces!
Women are more sensitive to negative emotions than men are. They score higher in what is called: Trait Neuroticism, meaning they feel more negative emotion per unit of stress.
They get unhappy faster as the world is perceived as more dangerous.
The main reason is that throughout history women were the primary caregiver to infants and if you behaved as the world was more dangerous, your infant had a higher chance of survival. This is why great communication is key.
Your partner might be terribly unhappy while you think it’s business as usual or are simply choosing to turn a blind eye.While low value couples are loud in the public square – allowing anger to rule the conversation – high value couples look at the situation more objectively to see if the issue is solvable or not.
7
They are an asset to their network and community
High value couples increase the market value of their neighborhood. Believe it or not, the house next to Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds costs more because they’re the neighbors, than if a couple of dentists lived in it.
High value couples are great contributors. They contribute to the education of the children around them. They contribute to the church. So they contribute in any way they can: money, time, expertise, political power.
They have something of value that they can share with the group. They make it a priority to exercise their strengths to improve the community around them. The grass is greener where they live because they keep watering it and pulling out the weeds.
While high value couples give, low value couples take. It’s easy to see who the high value couples are.Other couples organize around them and their schedule.
They lead the pack. They set trends.
8
They take pride in the person they’re with and the life they’ve built together.
High value couples put each other on a pedestal. If you’re with someone great, you want the world to see them, because they’re with you. High value couples speak highly of their partner to everybody else.
Your partner is a reflection of who you are! The brighter they shine, the brighter you shine as well. Only low value couples talk trash about their spouse and it’s stupid if you really think about it.
High value couples share the spotlight!
A high value couple wins as a couple not as individuals and most high level individuals aspire to one day become a high value couple, because it’s the next step of your evolution. When you’re with someone great you don’t need to put it all to risk for some side action.
There’s an old saying low value people use to justify their infidelity.“If you have a 1000 dollars in your wallet and see a 5 dollar bill on the ground, you’re still gonna pick it up right?”
But that’s not how reality works. What if picking up the $5 bill would risk losing the $1000 you have in your wallet?You can’t have it both ways. You can’t have a loving family and still sleep around like crazy.
Make your choices!
9
There’s a long term commitment or goal
The biggest difference between high value and low value couples is that: High value couples have a long term goal that they’re working towards together! Low value couple’s only goal is to make it to the weekend.
When you have a big goal, that’s clear, understood and shared by everyone you can make sure both of you are pulling your weight to getting the family there. It gives you something to work towards, to build towards.
Remember this:
They are both motivated by their own ventures but have a shared mutual long term vision.High value couples aren’t “potentially” high value – they’re high value now, not in the future. They behave like it now, the present.
High value couples end up high value, because they ask each other for the commitment, they make a choice of what their future will be and then proceed to make it a reality. Once the decision is made, they don’t revisit it unless the fundamentals have changed.
High value couples match their state of readiness for a serious relationship.
10
Exceptional Earners with Exceptional Lifestyles
It will come as no surprise that high value couples are high earners, but not just individually, here it’s about talking FAMILY INCOME per year. This is how it works out for the US. Adjust it to your country’s level of income.
Less than $50,000 dollars: is considered LOWER CLASS. This couple will need government assistance if they want to raise kids. They will never own a house. 23% of the US households earn under 50,000 dollars per year.
From just an earnings perspective, these are the low value couples. $75,000 – $150,000 is considered MIDDLE CLASS. They will have 2 kids. Live in a modest house and enjoy 1.5 holidays per year.
$200,000 – $400,000 we have the Upper middle class. You can afford to pay for your children’s college or private school. You probably live in the suburbs, enjoy comfort but not in excess. Only 7% of the household in the US earn in excess of 400,000 dollars per year consistently.
This is where the high-value-earning couples are. Above the 1 million per year, you enter the top of the food chain. This is the RICH Class. You’re in the top 0.01% of american households. These are the 1% of the 1%.
11
Trust and Loyalty
You are literally trusting this person with everything you have. You can’t build an empire together if you’re worried the other person is busy chasing attention!This is one of the common mistakes women in low value couples make. They believe great sex means you have a strong relationship. That’s not even close.
Men don’t fall in love through sex, they fall in love through trust and loyalty. High value people don’t have to worry about what the other person is doing. In a high value relationship you don’t have to question if the kid is yours, if you know what I mean..
12
They forgive each other
Forgiveness comes in many forms, but that’s one of the main reasons why high value couples stay together more. They’re able to forgive, learn and move forward…. Told you: life is hard. But forgiveness isn’t all there is to it.
Once you say you forgave someone, you never bring it up again. You don’t hold it over their heads, you don’t remind them that you forgave them, because that’s not forgiveness. You have to be very careful with trust as it’s one of the most fragile bonds in a relationship.
Once broken, it can be mended and put back together, but it will never be the same.
13
They don’t try to fix the other person.
High value individuals don’t treat their partners like a pet project. They’re not a tamagotchi. This happens in low value couples all the time. Usually the woman picks the most broken man she can find because she believes she can change him, looking at it as a personal challenge.
Men hate being changed and losing themselves in the process – even if change is desperately needed. There’s this persistent need to fix the other person to prove to yourself that you’re valuable and worthy of love… realistically, it’s just two emotionally-damaged individuals dancing a toxic tango.
There’s even a psychological theory to support this that says: We pick people who are similar to our primary caregiver – that’s where the phrase “you marry someone like your mom or your dad” comes from – but these people fill in the gaps left growing up.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say a girl named Sara is the second of 3 children. 2 siblings: A boy and a girl. The boy is his father’s only son, so there’s a special relationship there. The sister is the youngest of the 3 so she’s always been “the baby”.
As the middle child Sara grew up without dedicated attention – so she looks for a partner with similar traits to her father, but that gives her all the attention to prove that she is special and worthy of love.
By doing this, Sara is mending her childhood wound.This goes for both men and women and it’s supposed to apply to roughly 2 thirds of the population.
14
Physical intimacy
High value couples maintain a level of physical intimacy. Your partner still turns you on and you can’t wait to jump in the sheets. With high value couples the flame doesn’t go away. Because if that’s missing, over time you end up living just with a friend and there’s a massive difference between companionship and a romantic relationship.
Men have friends, Women have friends. They don’t want to sleep next to their friends when night comes. Don’t allow your spouse you become just a friend. This is important for both parties.
Men use the image of their perfect woman as motivation. When that’s your wife, you constantly need to prove yourself as worthy.Women know men want sex and their primal brain is asking for it.
If he’s not getting it from you, chances are he’s getting it somewhere else, because it’s a biological desire. Like hunger, you can be fasting, but not if you constantly walk through a buffet – that’s actually why monks live on top of mountains surrounded by other men.
15
They care about their legacy as a couple
A high value couple leaves a great legacy behind. This might upset some people, but your purpose in life is to survive, contribute to society and leave children behind that will keep the chain going.
That’s basic evolution for you and has been genetically programmed into your DNA for millenia. Which is why becoming high value parents is part of the equation.
The only people who can tell you if you did a great job as a parent are your children when they reach adulthood and are parents themselves!Low value parents have a toxic relationship with their kids.
They’re dependent, controlling, pushy, manipulative – and as a child you want to be as far from them as possible. Sure, there are couples who choose to never have children and they respect their decision, but there’s a moral obligation for the higher value couples to leave a legacy.
Overpopulation is not a problem, as the more a civilization evolves the fewer children are born. Your great grandparents had so many children because a good portion of them died early – and because there was an incentive to have more helping hands around the family farm.
But once you reach middle class, you’d rather put all your efforts into 1 or 2 children and give them their best shot at life.
The more attention a population receives, the higher the average IQ.
It all sounds good, until you realize low value couples are pumping out children left and right – and do not have either the time or resources to develop these children to the full extent of their ability.
Bonus: You are peace.
High value couples find peace in one another. Low value couples find chaos when coming home. Being with your partner should be your safe space. The moment that’s somewhere else, you should start figuring out what’s not working the way it should.
People want to take this opportunity to thank you for going with us through this educational experiment where we touched upon some things that aren’t necessarily easy to hear – but they are valuable to know nonetheless.
